I was late for my appointment with Dr. Alvita, my Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor last Friday and so was not Aloha driving. In a short section of the highway between Honoka‘a and Waimea the speed limit goes down to 45 mph, right in the area where ranchers have two cattle crossings. That’s where the two police cars sat, just a few car lengths before the limit goes back up to 55 mph. I wasn’t paying attention until I saw them both pull onto the road and put their blue lights on. Damnation. Now I was sure to be late.
Yes, it was a classic speed trap and I got the first speeding ticket of my life. I was lucky that it happened now. In an earlier life, back when I was a stressed-out corporate type, I would have been caught driving 85. That’s what also made this a personal speed trap, a reminder of my prior life and a warning. I know I’m doing too much, volunteering for too many organizations, taking on too many projects and consequently trapped into rushing. Why do I think everyone should depend on me, that I need to be involved in everything? I’m as stressed with deadlines as when I was employed. It’s not working for me and it’s not what I envisioned when I retired. My worsening high blood pressure is alerting me to back off. The speeding ticket’s just another signal.
My friends tell me to just apply my tools, that I know what to do to fix this. So over the weekend, I announced to the Women’s Circle that I’m giving up the Secretary position. I’ve done it for two years. It’s time for someone else to step up and lead. That’s shedding one thing, but I’m on a quest to find others.
Yet even the word ‘quest’ brings to mind a crusader charging out to do battle. My whole personality is still very Type A as Dr. Alvita discussed with me at my appointment. “Too much Yang,” said she. Not enough yoga, meditation, self-care, cultivating mindfulness, simplifying my life, and gratitude, say I. What’s needed is an overhaul of my ‘large and in charge’ personality. Again.
In fact, I’m almost embarrassed to admit all this. I’ve written a book on how to transform your life and manifest what you want. My blog touches on it often. Why should people listen to me when I fail at my own advice? But I realized my truth when I told Rita the other day that I’m a practitioner, not a master. Yes, I’ve manifested my non-corporate world and my life in Hawai‘i, but I’m still working on transforming my life. So I’ll need to keep practicing my tools and applying what I know: that life is a journey, not a destination.
My speed trap is telling me to slow down, and I’m grateful for the message. Do you have some signal sending you a message?
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